i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
