Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
