and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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