why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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