just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
