i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
