White coat. Heels.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
