During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
