the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
