he wants to bone in the snuggie
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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