My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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