u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
