He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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