Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
