do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
