woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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