fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
