Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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