I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We have started to decorate penises.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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