Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
