I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
