I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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