You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
