Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
