it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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