Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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