Just took my morning after pill in the library
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
