Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
