she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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