I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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