I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were destined to go to rehab together
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
