it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
