Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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