i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
