I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
