His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
