I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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