READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
