I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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