I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
