I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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