Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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