she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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