So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
