any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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