Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
