my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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