She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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