I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
FUCK WHALES
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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