I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
