I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
