I just cut my nipple shaving
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
