just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
