Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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