Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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