i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
