She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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