woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize