i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
