How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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