.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
