batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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